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UOAWWW #1: How to buy a Condom

2009-05-22 12:55:54 by Ozcar

Uncle Ozcar's awesome wise words of wisdom # 1: How to buy a condom

so, you want to get laid tonight, but you're afraid not about the fact you're going to have sex (after all, you've dreamt about this all the time) but for the fact that your girl won't make sex with you without protection and you don't have the balls enough to buy a condom...

You're a silly excuse of a man!

There's nothing wrong about buying a condom for these reasons:

- No matter your age, they have to sell you a condom. It's not a porn magazine for Jesus Christ! From WikiAnswers:
Q: How old do you have to be to buy a condom?

A: store clerks don't usually care how old you are -they should be glad you are being responsible. No legal age, but if they know your parents they might tell!! :-}

So, as long as you buy it at a store that is not next to your house, everything will be fine.

- What store clerks want is to sell! All what they want to do is sell, they would even sell you a porn magazine if you had enough money .

These are some of the things the Store Clerk won't do when you buy a condom.

He won't ask for an ID
He won't call the police
He won't make fun of you
He won't laugh at you...After all, YOU'RE A COSTUMER and most of store clerks care about their costumers. You might ending coming back to buy more when you need it.

Now, follow this steps and you won't fail in your journey to buy the precious key to the precious vagina.

1.- First, check where the condoms are. Don't fool around like a fool! Just make visual contact to them...You won't need a lot of time to find them, they might be at the reach of your hand.

2.- Take them. If they're at the reach of your hand, just take them if they're not, ask the store clerk for them. Be straight, don't make fool comments. The store clerk won't make fool comments if you don't behave like a fool.

3.- Pay them. That's right, that's all.

You're out now. Remember to follow the instructions written on the condoms' box....

And that's all... Have fun and remember to wear always a condom when you have sex. Do never have sex without a condom or I'll tell your parents you didn't obey uncle Ozcar and that's what gave you aids and/ or other STD...

Leave a comment. Feel free to ask anything.

You might get a faster answer if you send me a PM with something like "I wrote a comment about your UOAWWW #1 "


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2009-05-22 15:13:51

Fuck Newgrounds.


2009-05-24 18:30:28

I want condoms, but then again, my girlfriend isn't willing.

Ozcar responds:

Buy them anyway. Is better have them and don't need them, than need them and don't have them....


2009-05-25 03:25:32

My asshole friend bought me Obama Condoms on the internet. Best thing EVAR!!! 063234


2009-05-26 18:52:01

You're crazy, Oscar ;)


2009-05-30 19:22:19

I love you.


2009-06-01 11:56:50

Duh... Everyone knows how to buy a condom :l


2009-06-04 15:51:54

Lol great advice dude


2009-06-05 15:03:39

"most of store clerks care about their costumers"


Also, this reminds me of an episode of the Golden Girls where Dorothy buys condoms.


2009-06-08 14:44:37

Another tip I know is to buy the extra large and simply cut the condom to your size, to avoid embarrassment in the store

BTW what happened to you being a mod? did you quit?


2009-06-09 06:10:21

i bought condoms from a homeless man, is this safe?


2009-06-09 06:10:56

i bought condoms from a homeless man, is this safe?


2009-07-16 08:00:40

girl won't make sex with you without protection.
l always carry a 9mm when l have sex, just incase things turn cold and nasty...